My friend Lana posted the other day on her blog, where she chronicles the life of a special needs family, that she wonders sometimes if their daughter Lily would be in the same place (developmentally) if they had not done the enormous amount of therapy they have with her. Would she have reached some of those milestones regardless? She then elaborates the next day explaining that they'll never know for sure and mentioning some of the things they have given up to be able to raise "The Bird" (their precious nickname for Lily). One of the things they're struggling with right now is a desire to take an extended family vacation this next year. Their oldest will graduate from high school and "leave the nest" and they wanted one last hoorah before they send her off. However, therapy is expensive (don't I know it?!) and medical expenses are their biggest expenditure currently.
(sigh)
I found myself tearing up as I read her posts. This is so where I am right now. I don't want you to know it because I want you to make the leap and start feeding yourself and your family food that is good for you instead of preservative-laden junk. And if I tell you how stinkin' hard this is, you'll never do it.
I worked from August of last year (2010) until February of this year (2011) doing something I really liked - serving at a church. However, we did not need any of the money. Granted, it was nice and we went to Disney and we played alot. But, when the church got rid of me in February we weren't a bit concerned about the money part of it. We learned a long time ago to NEVER depend on two incomes. It makes life so much less stressful!
However, what we didn't realize is that when we made the leap at the end of January to full-blown organic, preservative-free lifestyle - that it would increase our living expenses so significantly. It doubled my grocery bills. And our medical bills just continued to gradually climb until they were more than our health insurance payment each month. (Something feels very wrong about that to me!) Therefore, we didn't know it at the time, but I stopped bringing in any money and yet our expenses rose by about 40%.
Well, by May we realized that I couldn't just sit around and wait on the next church to call. I was going to have to start bringing in a little bit to help us stay afloat.
This has been the most gratifying and yet exhausting journey we have ever been on. I mean - nothing compares to getting your kid back. NOTHING. But, that's not the only blessing we've received on this journey. We've lost weight. Our daughter's asthma symptoms up and disappeared. Our family members all began taking steps toward healthier lifestyles. We've helped a number of other families. I could go on ...
And we would do it all again! However, that doesn't make working these little odd jobs that I loathe any easier. And it doesn't make scrimping and saving any easier.
I mean, I want some new boots. And I want to get my kid a DS for Christmas. And I want to get Rick an iPhone for his birthday.
And there's a few other things that maybe I don't necessarily "want" per se ... but that we probably need to do. (You know - since we're adults and we're supposed to be responsible.) The van needs new tires. I only made enough last month to replace one of them after everything else was paid. The fridge is making a really weird noise and I'm fairly certain that we're working on borrowed time with it. The poor baby is 11 years old and has been moved 6 times since we got it. Rick's car cannot pass inspection in this county without a little (ha) $1000 repair.
(huge sigh)
I reached the point about a month ago where I began having to force myself to go to work each day. I did not realize the blessing of loving your job until I was forced to work two different jobs this year that I have hated. I have hated them because they are not my calling ... they're not ministry. It's not that everyday was a good day in ministry. It's just that I never actually got to the point where I loathed my job. I so understand that now. Rick and I have trouble discussing it because while he has had teams he didn't prefer as much as others, he's never loathed the job. It's always been football and it's always been his passion. And I am deeply grateful for that. I pray he NEVER has to experience this side of it.
I also became aware this year that I am being leaned on in a way that I was never meant to be leaned on. God did not make me the bread winner of the family. That is Rick's job. He feels called to it. He accepts it. He prides himself in it. He is our provider. I could not handle that kind of pressure and I was never meant to handle it. Having to actually feel some of that pressure and continue on in this even though I hate it is new to me. It's made me even more thankful for the bread winner God provided for me. It's also reiterated the fact that we made the decision to lower our expenses 6 years ago and NEVER be in this trap again of having to depend on two incomes. It is miserable.
There is no end to the line of people who are quick to judge us in this either. We've heard it all. We've lost friends in this journey and some members of our family think we're insane. They just don't get it at all. I can hear their thoughts right now saying "If it's that tough financially - why don't you just back off on the whole organic thing?"
To be perfectly honest - we could.
As long as we were gluten-free, egg yolk - free, artificial sweetener free, salicylate LOW and sulfite free and kept Craig on his supplements, we could pull this whole thing off. Actually - we could just put Craig on the special diet and the rest of us could go back to the unhealthy stuff because it doesn't make us act a fool. We could just get the supplements from the chiro instead of actually having him adjusted. That would save a copay every week as well.
We named this blog (and our ministry) Body, Soul & Mind because food affects each of these areas. (I've said it once - I'll continue to say it as often as you'll read it .... You're gut and your brain are connected. What you put in your belly affects your actual brain. Your gut is known as your second brain and your brain as your second gut.) However, I wanted a way to incorporate a verse that sums it all up for us into the very core of this blog. I wanted it to be ever present. So, I built it into the web address. If you haven't looked it up, it says this in The Message:
"Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you've been raised from the dead!—into God's way of doing things." Romans 6:13
Do you get it? We prayed and searched for YEARS for these answers. We begged and pleaded. And God revealed His answer through TRUTH. Slowly, slowly, slowly He revealed the truth about food to us and how He gave us food not only to enjoy but to HEAL OUR BODIES. He's already made everything we need to heal. There's a plant or a food out there for everything that ails us.
I will not debate modern medicine with you. I am thankful for it and grateful for it and if I am having a heart attack - please rush me to the hospital. However, if I have a stomach ache - please don't feed me Tums. If I'm having a stroke - please carry me to the nearest E.R. However, if I complain of a headache - please don't offer me ibuprofen. If my appendix bursts, I'd like to think you'd call 911. However, I can get rid of strep throat without the use of antibiotics. So, if I catch it again, keep your distance and blow me kisses through the windows. I'll be good as new in a few days.
I've done the research. God led us to truth over and over and over. And my response to that?
My response should be uninhibited WORSHIP and PRAISE and a thankful heart. And that's precisely what it is. However, it should be obedience also. Obedience is a form of worship and love.
How could I possibly eat the very things that have made us so sick and nearly sealed my sons prison term when I know what is in them and the affect it has on our bodies? How could I possibly eat those things after all God has done for me? To do so feels very much (to me) like a slap to His face.
So, yes. This particular season right now is full of Thanksgiving and Worship and Praise and grateful hearts. But, it is hard. It is dang hard. I'm weary. I'm tired of hating my job/work. I'm tired of dreading the same thing everyday. I'm tired of not being able to play just a little bit. I'm tired of only shopping the sale items at the grocery store. I'm tired of not getting to go on dates with my husband.
But this I know: I know that 13 months ago, my Redeemer redeemed my sons life from the pit and therefore my family's life/future as well. He brought us to truth we had been searching for for many, many years. And if I need to walk through a valley for a little while, I will. Because sometimes His blessings come through raindrops and sometimes healing comes through tears. And sometimes the trials of this life are His mercies in disguise. (Laura Story)
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